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Party of Ghouls: Halloween Cocktails

It’s almost Halloween, and that means you need to settle your cocktail plans now. Luckily, I’m here to help with that, whether you’re planning an intimate get-together or a full-on All Hallows’ Eve Shindig. (Just let me slip my alchemist’s labcoat on.) Let’s take a bat’s eye view of a Halloween Hootenanny in progress… and spy on what drinks they have on tap!

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The ragdoll bombshell lurks in the corner, but not out of any shy avoidance. She’s just biding her time, letting her boneyard eyes appraise the room under eyelids fringed with black wire. One elegant, seam-bisected hand cradles a small pumpkin, all textured orange glass and alluring roundness. A dead woman’s lips, blue and glistening, close over a black straw and she sips her cocktail: a smooth and potent Ragdoll’s Delight.

Ragdoll’s Delight:
2 oz Stoli Vanil vodka
1.5 oz Bailey’s Pumpkin Spice

Shake with crushed ice in a cocktail shaker; strain into martini glass. (Unless you do actually have a pumpkin-shaped cocktail glass, then use that ALL THE TIME FOREVER). Splash in milk to taste, and optionally garnish with cinnamon and nutmeg.

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Lizardman Echols is his name and the game is “Get everyone drunk enough for nuuuuude conga timesss!” He’s played it at more parties than he’s ever been invited to, and only been successful once. At least he thinks there was a once: he can’t have been the only one with his pants off at that Rusalka shindig over Dead Man’s Bayou way. His eyelids close toward each other, flat black eyes misty with memory. With his long tongue flickering out, he begins to make the rounds bearing a platter of Nanny’s Trick or Treats.

Nanny’s Trick or Treats:
Let’s be clear about this one: it’s more an experience and not really a cocktail at all.
Here’s what you do: Make a batch of Apple Pie moonshine.
Then be sure to serve it in small servings. Preferably in plastic cups.
Serve with whipped cream on top or a cinnamon rock candy stick if you wanna get fancy.

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What’s a party without at least a trio of witches? Certainly not one she’d ever want to be invited to, sniffed the oldest woman of that respected group. She hunched her back most dramatically, throwing out one crow-like arm so that her trailing shawl hid the squat cauldron and its glowing brew from the other party-goers. Come to think of it, she scowled, she couldn’t really remember the last party they’d been invited to. She just always assumed they’d been invited and showed up with the other witches arriving by broom or chicken-footed hut or mortar and pestle. Because of course they had. For what’s a party without the nastiest of women and their patented witch’s brew? No party worth going to, that’s for certain. She’s pretty sure there’s a circle in that. But isn’t there always?

Witch’s BrewHaHa:
1.5 liters of vodka
750 ml of Midori
2 liters of Sprite
24 oz frozen lemonade

Throw it all in a punch bowl; preferably one shaped like a cauldron. Add sufficient ice; stir. (If you want to incorporate dry ice for the full Halloween effect, read up on that here.)

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They’d been pounding through their party for hours now, moaned the zombie. He didn’t even notice when he lost his ear again, clambering angrily as he was up through his crypt. The whole catacombs had been thrumming with that pervasive technobeat sound, which all music at monster mashes seemed to turn into these days after the alcohol got into full flow and the nude conga-line into full swing. Or was it dubstep now? A chill in the autumn air stiffened his joints right up as he staggered toward the house and his grumbling soared up into a full moan. He felt he was in perfect form to bring some good old zombie vengeance and geared up to bellow the requisite “BRRAIIINNSS!!!” Instead, he was swept inside by a good-natured Cannibal who flashed him the “Peace! No dead meat for me!” hand-wave and shoved a mug into his rotting hand. The cup read “The Dead Are Up! Now what?” in bright, cheery letters. The zombie shambled away from the conga line, grumbling, and decided to have the drink. 

The Dead Are Up! Now What?
3 oz fresh-brewed coffee
1.5 oz Patron XO Cafe Dark Cocoa
1 oz Patron Reposado

Combine, and add milk or cream to taste. Add whipped cream on top with a dusting of cinnamon and crushed red pepper. This one can be served chilled or warm, but plan which one ahead of time unless you like iced coffee.

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We’ll close the window on that Halloween Hootenanny now. Once the dead have awoken, it doesn’t pay to tarry outdoors. Hopefully you’ve gotten a few delicious plans for your Halloween weekend; hop back here if you make them, and share your thoughts and cocktail pics! Cheers!

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(Remember, you can get merch featuring the Geek Dame’s Alchemical Delights logo at RedBubble and my Zazzle shop.)

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